What is Your Origin Story?
Mine starts in the heart of Kinshasa, Congo. A man and a woman, woven from the same cloth walk in faith. With courage, they uproot their lives to a foreign America to lay roots for the future of their lineage.
A man who delights in business, a mathematician, professional negotiator, and a lover of Jesus: my father.
A woman of various talents. The ultimate prayer warrior. An entrepreneur, an artist. A lover of Jesus: my mother.
And then there’s me: a creative through and through.
Take all my passions–music, poetry, fashion, performing–and tie them in a bow around my neck. Everything I’ve ever tried has fallen victim to my desire to create. It took me a long time to find value in what I can offer this world. I explored every profession before finally accepting that Jesus wired me this way for a reason. No industry felt like a good fit. I tried it all: Sales, insurance, client management, the food industry, retail, education, the list goes on. At the end of every experience, the denominator never changed. I wanted to invest in my dreams of being a full-time creative. Even so, something always kept me from giving it my all…
Courage Takes Obedience
But, then I remember Jeremiah. Preceding the call, the Lord tells him, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”(Jeremiah 1:5)
When Jeremiah hears the call for him to prophesy to the nations, his response is like so many of us. He rebuttals God with insecurity by saying “I’m too young.” Oftentimes, when we feel the Lord tugging our spirits to try new things, to quit a job, to pursue a passion, we try to disqualify ourselves by the human standards we view ourselves through.
I’m too young. I’m too old. I’m too quiet. I’m too over the top. I’m too unprofessional. I don’t know enough.
None of that matters to God. The Lord basically tells Jeremiah he’s worried about the wrong thing! (that’s not what he said verbatim but that’s my interpretation, okay!) Some of us are worried about the wrong thing. It’s not about what you bring to the table, it’s about how God will set and prepare it for you. Jeremiah 1:9 brings so much reassurance. He tells Jeremiah “I have put my words in your mouth.” With courage, Jeremiah was obedient to God’s word and led a nation. If Jesus called you to it He will give you the words, the plan, the direction, and the money, He will give us everything we need to execute His will for our lives.
So, what’s holding you back?
I Don’t Know What I’m Doing
I get that. Stepping out on faith is scary. It took me three years to finally give in to what the Lord has called me to do. But, can I tell you something honest? You’ll never feel ready. As I’m walking into my purpose, one thing I didn’t expect was how overwhelmingly unprepared I feel.
When God calls you to a thing, it’s usually something that you would never be able to do without Him. In that space is where our faith is tested. That’s where we’re able to see what we are made of.
As I’m pursuing my calling, I go through so many emotions within minutes of each other. One moment I’m excited about the unknown, and a split second later I’m frustrated that God won’t give me more insight into what He wants me to do.
I’m always telling God that I legit have no idea what I’m doing. Having so many ideas, but nowhere to place them can feel overwhelming. Knowing what He wants me to do is one thing, but how do I execute it? It’s so easy for me to feel out of my depths.
Courage Takes Humility
But, then I remember Solomon. I remember how he considered himself a child who knew nothing of the duties he was expected to carry out as king. I’m brought back to 1 Kings where the Lord tells Solomon he will grant him whatever he wants, and all he asks for is wisdom. I think about how much that pleased God, so much so that he tells Solomon “I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for” (1 Kings 3:13).
God knows what we are and aren’t capable of handling. He has the answers to everything we need to fulfill our purpose here on earth! The key is in how vulnerable we are with our Father. We need to be honest.
There are so many times when I’ve heard God speak, and I took what He said and tried to accomplish it my own way. God’s way is the only way that works. He’s waiting on us to ask for His wisdom. In our intimate time with the Lord is where we grow Christ-like mindsets to be all that we can be for Him.
It takes us speaking up and stepping out of what’s comfortable.
Me vs. My Thoughts
I care too much about what people think of me. What will they say if I post this? How will they react if I say that? The only answer to my intruding fearful thoughts is who cares??
As a creative, exposing my true self through various art forms is so nerve-wracking. I’m always thinking that someone will laugh at the most vulnerable parts of who I am. Every person that I interact with, whether in person, or online, has an image of who they think I am, but they’re wrong. Nobody knows the true me. There is a version of me that God is calling to the forefront.
Sometimes, I think it’s too soon. I’m not confident enough to consistently be this person without retreating.
Courage Takes Boldness
But, then I remember Esther — the way her bashful beauty made her the most favorable. Up until having to fight for her people’s safety, Esther lived a life of a rule follower. She respected the King in all his orders. (Keep in mind, King Vashti made Esther queen because he denounced Queen Vashti as queen for rebelling against his request to show off her beauty at his extravagant party.) Esther 2:14–15 tells us Esther never came before the king unless she was summoned and she only spoke words suggested to her by the King’s chosen leadership.
So, of course, when Mordecai asked her to speak up on behalf of the Jews (which the King didn’t know were her people). To this, she responds “for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law: that they are put to death unless the king extends the gold scepter to them and spares their lives. (Esther 4:11).” She was afraid to go against the culture she spent so much time learning and becoming accustomed to.
Then Mordecai reminds her who she is.
He reminds her of the position God has placed her in. Esther had more authority than she realized. Her favor was not to be in vain. Mordecai helped her see that she was to be a voice for the people. Soft-spoken, yes, but a voice nonetheless. There are qualities and characteristics God places in us based on the environment he places us in to execute our purpose. Esther’s gentle touch and humility was the key component to her being able to save her people from being harmed.
Boldness comes in various forms.
It’s up to us to tap into our Godfidence–to have the courage to make a difference for such a time as this!
