The Lord has helped me see the subtle nature of pride and the way it can quietly infiltrate our lives. He caught me off guard in an awkward situation where I thought I was justified. I didn’t think there could be any way that I wasn’t right. But as usual, God was righter than right.
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. — Hebrews 12:7-8.
Pride is not always pompous. That’s why God gave me a dream. You see, I had offended somebody without knowing. I only discovered it when I noticed the person was giving me the cold shoulder. They stopped speaking to me and became passive aggressive. I was concerned, but also apathetic because I felt the person could address me about it and not be so snarky. I wanted to confront the issue. In fact, I knew the Holy Spirit was asking me to. But the thought made my stomach turn. So…I did nothing and the situation lingered for a few days. And then, I had a dream.
I was in a classy, upscale restaurant. It was posh. The average person could never afford fare at such an establishment. I was seated at a bar counter on an adjustable bar stool. To my left and right, I was seated next to rich socialites that could only be described as the snobby elites of society. They were supremely well-dressed with their hair, makeup, shades, jewelry, and money for days! They had to be the most popular people in town these men and women. Yet, they were haughty as they laughed and socialized. The crazy thing was this: All of our bar stools were adjusted at least 25-30 feet in the air! I’m naturally afraid of heights, so I was panicked.
I wanted to adjust my seat and come down, but because I was 20-something feet in the air, I was terrified. I wanted to come down, but I couldn’t. Then, I woke up.
I asked the Lord, “What does this mean?” And He said to me, “You have pride. You’re so high, you don’t want to come down.” Bewildered and feeling a little *attacked* I questioned if this was because I hadn’t apologized to the person. The Holy Spirit had been prompting me to address the issue and apologize even if I didn’t know what was wrong. But I admit that I was refusing.
Like a small child, I whined, “Lord, I don’t understand. I didn’t do anything. I don’t understand.” And the Lord told me, “She is not going to apologize, but you have to.”
I tussled with this in my spirit because that was enough for an adult tantrum. But with God’s voice comes purpose. I realized that Jesus has done this very thing for me and for all of us. He paid the price that I didn’t have to. He apologized when He didn’t do anything wrong. He intercedes to the Father on my behalf each time I mess up. He took my punishment on the cross. And He never did anything wrong to anyone.
Why should I disobey God now? He never leads me astray and God was completely right. As I geared up to apologize for the mystery offense, the person truly did grow increasingly more passive and cold toward me. They weren’t going to apologize.
I was being called to a higher level of humility than I could fathom. I could only marvel that Jesus was equal with God, but humbled Himself to the point of no reputation. (Phil 2:5-8). Imagine the Son of God being regarded as a nobody as He bled painfully for my transgressions and not His own.
Deeply convicted of the fact that Jesus knows my plight, I apologized. I told her I was genuinely sorry for whatever I did to offend her, as I see that I’ve done something she did not like. And I found it painful. It felt almost humiliating to apologize to someone for nothing. I lowered myself for something I would usually dismiss as “petty,” and it hurt. I felt a bruise in my ego that I was not accustomed to. But I also felt the pleasure of the Holy Spirit. Like I passed a test. “Ahhh, so this what growth feels like,” I winced laughably.
Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. — Proverbs 13:10
I have learned that pride is any form of self-exaltation. It can be meek or pompous. Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted (Matthew 23:12). We should be lifting Jesus at all times (John 12:32). Whenever we exalt ourselves, and it’s not the Lord doing the lifting, we are walking in pride. It does not have to be a grandiose display. It is a heart posture. The posture of my heart in God’s eyes was akin to an uppity socialite and not a humble peacemaker.
“If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” — Romans 12:18
God deals with His children differently as a Good Father. Be encouraged that He’s invested in your growth and the character of a new man. That’s how much He loves us. And if you allow him, He will mold you into a version of yourself that you never thought possible. One fit and responsible to bear His image to others. It just might sting a little!
