A sermon by Andy Stanley changed my life. Here’s the backstory:
Before my soul was radically saved in college at the age of 22, I was a self-proclaimed “good person.” I didn’t care if there was a God or not but thought, “He’s certainly not sending good people to hell.” And then, I found myself accidentally and divinely placed into an “Intro to Old Testament” class at school. That’s a story for later! By that point, I knew I was going to heaven (Glory to Jesus Christ, my Savior!) But, you could say my dating habits needed a lot of work. In fact, they were a train wreck and I couldn’t seem to stop choosing the wrong men.
So what changed?
Well, I found myself in one of the worst relationships I had ever been in. I was not only experiencing turmoil, but also conviction about this relationship. In my own strength, I decided that I knew the solution to the problem and agreed to marry the guy.
I got engaged.
Everything in me was going off like alarms and sirens in my heart. I had never had been through this before and I didn’t know what to do about it. I only knew deep down that marrying this person would be a horrible decision.
A Sermon Changed My Life
At the time, a lovely woman and Christian mentor in my life sent me a sermon by Andy Stanley titled, “Love, Sex, and Dating.” She said she wasn’t sure what was going on with me, but was restless in her spirit when I announced my engagement. She could only wonder if this was what I really wanted. Was this truly who the Lord would have me marry? She said if so, then she was elated for me. But, she couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t at peace and could not ignore it hoping it would go away. It was like she could read my mind.
She told me that she’d just seen a four-part sermon series by Andy Stanley on his new book, “Love, Sex, and Dating” where he breaks down what single men and women should be looking for. She asked me to promise her I would watch it. I was very intrigued by all of this, so I said of course I will!
The Break Down
In part one, Andy Stanley explains his why behind the book and series: to help single men and women avoid the myth of waiting to find that perfect person who is going to suddenly make you into a perfect person; and the two of you will live happily ever after. No, that’s not how that works. What actually happens is those two people have trouble because they enter a relationship with their baggage, get married with said baggage, and have a bunch of “marriage problems.” Instead, Stanley says to back it all up, and stop dating like this. Focus on becoming the person you are looking for, is looking for. I was sold, and kept going.
Part two is about men renewing their minds with this scripture: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” — 1 Peter 3:7
This verse is directed to husbands for their wives, but…if a man is really going to honor his wife, he would already be honoring her pre-marriage. It’s important, because a woman is a co-heir in Christ with a man. Bad habits will not magically change. Men should be honoring women pre-marriage if they are going to honor their wives in marriage one day in the future.
Part three was all about sex! God created it. It is wonderful, fearless, passionate, and powerful, but it is also fragile, hurtful, and can be abused. God didn’t create it as a tease to dangle over single people’s heads—but to be looked forward to within the beautiful context of marriage. He created sex between a man and woman within marriage, and when it is enjoyed within the safety of this boundary, it is in its perfect design. Stanley discusses what the Bible has to say about sex and marriage, the biblical history in those times as it relates to the topic, and even contrasts the two. God wants us to understand that romance is fueled by “exclusivity”.
Finally, part four and most impactful for me—Andy pours into Proverbs 14:15, which says “the prudent carefully consider their steps,” and committing now to becoming the person your dream partner is looking for. He challenges listeners to create a list of things you can commit to learning now, in order to have a healthy relationship and marriage in the future. Then, he challenges single people to take a year off from dating and focus on their relationship with God while becoming the person your dream partner is looking for. Now, that was a huge challenge for me considering I was in a relationship.
How Was I Changed?
I suddenly had a fiery passion to start over. I was finally admitting that I did not have peace about marrying that man, so I did the unthinkable. I called off the engagement and ended the relationship. Without wasting any more time, I immediately started my year-long break from dating. I’m not going to lie, I was super tempted during that year, and met pretty awesome guys during that time too. But, I would not allow any dates and made it known to them that I was not interested. It was very hard and I struggled with doubt and fear that I was missing opportunities—especially around the 9th month when I started running into the same guy at the gym and at my church once a month.
It felt like torture!
Nevertheless, I stayed strong and steadfast on building my relationship with God. I had the most amazing time with Him, family, and friends. It is freeing when you surrender an area of your life to God! You have freeing peace that overrides the discomfort so you know you’re making the right choice.
After a full year of not dating, my friend invited me to the lake with her family and I had a blast! I spent a week in Virginia relaxing on a boat, riding jet skis, water tubing, and having such fun girlfriend time that I had forgotten that my year had officially ended! What started out as a countdown, became something I didn’t even remember! I returned to my hometown that Friday morning, went to school, and then to see a local band with another friend that night. To my surprise, that same guy I had been seeing over and over again at the gym and at church was also there with a friend! I seriously could not believe this. Here was this guy that I had never spoken to yet and had seen at least six times—and now he was standing right next to me.
He came up to me and said, “Hey, do you go to the Rush (our gym) and to the Lamb’s Chapel (our church) because I think I’ve seen you there?” I said, “Yes! And I’ve seen you there too.” He told me his name was Micah Denny and we chatted a while before he and his friend left.
I was excited! What were the chances I would run into this guy again and we attend the same church? The encounter filled me with hope and I already couldn’t wait to see him again so we could talk more. Surprisingly, that night when I got home, I had a Facebook friend request from Micah. I really wasn’t expecting that he would have found me, but it turned out we had several mutual friends on there.
Micah and I started spending a lot of time together. That was eight years ago and here we are today. Eight years later, I’m so grateful I was sent that sermon series. I’m so happy God prompted me to take a year off from dating to focus on Him, and I’m so happy I met Micah, my now husband and father of my two boys. God is good!
