Since becoming a mom, I’ve been learning how to deal with mom guilt. This overarching dark cloud seems to weigh mothers down. Like a taunting bully, this ‘cloud’ is relentless, unforgiving, and emotionally draining. Can this dark cloud be seen with the eye? No, because mom guilt is merely an idea, a perception.
Mom guilt affects all mothers in one way or the other. But, how much it affects us can vary from mom to mom. Some moms shrug it away, while others become so enthralled with it, they have no life apart from the daily battle to even distinguish it from reality.
What is Mom Guilt?
Mom guilt feels different to every woman and has multiple opinions. Just ask any mom. But, we can first ask, what is guilt? Guilt is the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime. So, mom guilt is a feeling of guilt that you’re not doing enough as a parent, according to What To Expect.
One thing we all agree on is that mom guilt is a feeling. Using sound reasoning, if it’s a feeling, then it’s not necessarily rooted in fact. And if it’s a feeling, it’s not necessarily good.
Is Mom Guilt Bad?
I would start by asking myself, “when I feel mom guilt, what is my state of mind?” If the answer is anything other than happiness or joy (ie. bad, anxious, depressed, worried, or overwhelmed) then I would argue a resounding yes, mom guilt is BAD.
As a mom myself, I’ve spoken to fellow moms on this subject more than a few times. One mom brought up an incredibly important, and profound point regarding mom guilt as a Christian woman. She said:
“Misguided mom guilt is useless, and debilitating. It also gets confused with Godly conviction that needs to be separated from mom guilt. There have been times I have felt the Holy Spirit’s conviction in parenting, and it instantly caused me to change my parenting just in a moment’s time. But here’s the thing, I didn’t wallow in guilt. With true Godly conviction, you’re not followed up with mom guilt. If anything you are empowered and strengthened to continue on knowing you have a faithful loving God on your side leading you in everything. You are filled with hope!”
@cafe.disco.queen You are not guilty. Take your thoughts captive #jesus #christiansoftiktok #momguilt #momgrieving #momsoftiktok #sahm #wfhmom #christianmomsoftiktok #takeyourthoughtscaptive #renewyourmind
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Guilt is Condemnation
We should know the difference between conviction and condemnation. My pastor addresses it this way:
“Condemnation is Satan saying ‘look at you’ with disgust and disdain in his voice. Conviction is the Holy Spirit saying ‘look at Jesus, He’s your example,’ with encouragement in His voice to get back up and to not give up.”
Mom guilt has a striking resemblance to condemnation.
How sneaky of the enemy to take something so dear to a mother’s heart–her desire to want to be the very best she can be for her children, and pervert it inward. He distorts that godly desire into something unrecognizable that only wounds her. Of course, Satan would be the culprit behind mom guilt. He hates God’s design of a family and His creation–us.
Suffering through condemnation when you’re already in a delicate mental-state is not fair, but there is hope! Mom, you are not alone. God is on your side, and Isaiah 41:10 says so!
Nevertheless, it’s still hard. Even with an arsenal of faith in Jesus Christ, it is challenging. Mom guilt has affected us all as moms, but I have great news. It’s not impossible! You can keep the lie of mom guilt and its shame under your foot ready to be crushed by the God of peace Himself (Romans 16:20).
Related: I Met Jesus After My Abortion
How to Deal With Mom Guilt as a Christian ?
The short answer: you have to renew your mind.
To really deal with mom guilt, we must recognize what is fact and what is a lie, and allow the Holy Spirit to renew it. We start by calling out mom guilt for what it is. A lie!
We know it’s a lie because it’s not Truth. Satan is the father of lies, so it’s not far-fetched to assume that if mom guilt is just a feeling and not a fact, and it’s strikingly similar to condemnation, then it’s a lie.
Renewing your mind takes discipline and training. We have to capture lies that are fed to us from the world, the culture, and our flesh. Then, do what the Bible says: Take them captive into the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:4-5).
You can capture lies like mom guilt and feelings of inadequacy in motherhood, and hold firm to God’s Truth that “you are a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, and your children are like olive plants all around your table” (Psalm 128:3), or that “your children will rise up and call you blessed” (Proverbs 31:28).
You have to know the word of God. Get it deep in your heart and mind so you are ready for combat, because I can promise you, the accuser of the brethren never stops. He will accuse you day and night about everything and anything. Revelation 12:10 says the “the accuser of the brethren” will keep accusing.
The Reality
As moms learning how to deal with mom guilt through Christ, we don’t have to listen to the accusations at all, because our Great Defender pardoned us from all charges!
Even if the enemy states something that’s true about us or your past, Romans 8:1 is clear: “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
Mom, you are likely doing much better than you give yourself credit for. There will always be impossible standards for us to live up to. But we look to Jesus Christ and ask Him, “how can I be the very best parent that I can be?” That looks different for all of us. So, don’t get too focused on what another mom is doing, and lose sight of the masterpiece that God is creating in your home with you.
