When You’re Grieving During Christmas

To those of you who are grieving during Christmas—you are welcome to the stable.

It’s easy to feel excluded from the holidays when you are grieving during Christmas and find your heart mournful. It seems contradictory to be sad, sick, or processing loss when everyone else—including your church, is singing carols and having Christmas parties with giant grins.

I want to extend my hand and tell you that Christmas is just as much for the grieving as it is for the rejoicing. There is room in that stable for how you feel and Jesus says to come to Him (Matthew 11:28).

But how do we experience grieving during Christmas? While we still wait for answered prayer? While we are alone or in the midst of suffering?

1. Press into Grace

Know that there’s grace for where you are right now. We know this is a “weary world” and that there is heartache.

God does not want you to pretend as though your loss or hurt did not happen. He is near to the brokenhearted. He is right there with you—crying, mourning, and holding you.

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. — Hebrews 4:16

Let Grace Abound

Do not beat yourself up for not feeling cheerful this season. Even if you are doubting or questioning, He welcomes it all into His presence. You are safe to feel what you are feeling—to walk the journey you are on, and even to take a break from the normal Christmas holly.

God offers you that grace and hopefully you will experience grace from those around you. I am extending grace to you. However, in the end, only one you can receive it. Be gracious towards yourself and where you are. There is no pressure or rush for you to change the way you feel.

2. Acknowledge Your Emotions

If you have lost a loved one, admit that you are grieving. If you are sick, admit your lack of energy. If you feel hopeless or discouraged, even hurt or lonely—don’t put on a mask of happiness. Speak the truth and give it to Jesus who sees you. Don’t believe the lie that negative emotions are not accepted by Jesus during this season or ever.

Joy and Grief Can Intermingle

Our Savior came into the world, and that is a gift to rejoice over and yet, His coming marked the beginning of a journey to the cross—something we also grieve over. He came to save, heal, and mend. Yet, His coming was not a magical fix for every ailment, problem, or pain we will experience while we live on this Earth.

These two realities are present at Christmas. Joy and grief intermingle.

So, start right where you are today. Don’t dismiss how you feel right now. Be honest with yourself, with Jesus, and with safe friends and family. He came to this harsh world for us and He can hold every burden you bring to Him. You may not have gold or myrrh, but He will take your tears, hurt, and anger.

Related: A Prayer for Seasonal Depression

3. Accept God’s Truth

I won’t share a bunch of verses or platitudes. But, I do invite you to press into God this Christmas in a way you’re not used to. Let go of the Christmas boxes. This might look like not singing when others sing at church—but lifting your pain up to Christ. It may mean leaning into the more somber songs like “O Come Emmanuel” and “Mary Did you Know?”

Cherish times of quiet and space where you pour your heart out to Him. Spend time with friends, family, or pets. What does your soul need? God wants you to find the joy in life even if it’s different from the usual Christmas traditions.

The Christmas Story

Take another view of the Christmas story. Put aside “Joy to the World” or Mary’s amazing obedience. Those are lovely, and will have their time again—but maybe, this Christmas, you can hone the stories of waiting. 

The Christmas story not is not only or solely for the glad of heart. It is for the hurting, waiting, and mournful.

You are not alone on Christmas night when you wonder where the joy has gone, and when your heart struggles to rejoice because it is broken.

Many who worshipped Jesus on that night held broken hearts. The Shepherds went their lives unnoticed and small. They waited for Christ, living in oppression and silence. They surely carried heavy hearts to the Christ child.

Mary and Joseph had been shamed and isolated. They had just traveled 100 miles, weary, tired, and there was no room for them. No doubt they were filled with exhaustion, fear, and insecurity.

The wise men had been threatened by a harsh king. They risked their lives and status to see baby Jesus. They too must have carried burdens in their heart, even as they carried precious gifts to the Savior.

Christ Himself entered the world with a mix of joy and need. He was divinely born on that night, but He cried out as a vulnerable, dependent, infant. Destined to die on the cross and carry our sins, His arrival preceded pain too.

Sweet Assurance

I assure you, there are other mourners during this Christmas time. I pray you find a way to honor your grieving during Christmas and experience the truth that Christ’s birth is for you right now too. Jesus is always for you.