Weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Substitute weeping for anything. Anger may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Disappointment may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Insecurities may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Heartbreak — well…heartbreak seems to have its own cadence. In the same way, I find it necessary to walk through broken moments to truly know what love is.
Heartbreak: This Really Hurts
For me, the wound is fresh. I’m not new to letting go, but this breakup really knocked the wind out of me. At one point, I think I actually stopped breathing. My open hand became a fist and my voice lost itself to grief.
When heartbreak settles, everything lacks color. There is no language for how it kills, and no melody for how it suffocates-–how it destroys bliss by surprising me around every corner…
Lord, why did it have to end?
An aching heart is so heavy. We don’t talk about it enough. Unfortunately, there is no concrete way to walk through letting go of someone you love. I don’t have all the answers. What I do have is relatability.
Let my transparency be a validation of your experience.
I’ve known heartbreak by decision. But heartbreak by surprise is a scary stranger. I wasn’t expecting to be broken up with. The truth is I’m angry. I’m angry at myself for not seeing this coming, and at God for allowing someone to hurt me this deeply. Watching him walk out of my life gutted me. It feels as if everything has escaped my footing. I’m overwhelmed by abandonment. Loneliness fights to hold my hand at night. The lowness I feel is so real…
But so is Jesus.
I’m slowly unearthing God’s tenderness toward my calloused heart. He caught me in the act.
As my hope declined, he whispered words of Psalms gently to my soul, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
The Infidelity of Infatuation
God designed us for love–to love and to be loved. Genesis displays this purely in the garden of Eden. Adam was alone, and God was concerned for him.
I am a lover of love. I have so much to give. There are pieces of me everywhere. I’ve fallen into commitment more times than I’ve given my full heart to God. I desire romance! I want the full love story. Do you know how many times I thought to myself this is it! He’s the one, I’m sure of it…
Sometimes, romance distracts discernment.
I’ve had a love affair with my desires. We keep each other warm at night. I’ve swapped prayers for loving assurance.
And in the absence of human affection, I’ve lost myself…
I feel I’m the spitting image of Israel. But the Lord is always faithful in redemption.
“Sing, barren women, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband.” Isaiah 54:1
God is the ultimate poet. He paints the image of Israel, who is suffering from emptiness, as a woman pining to birth children. In Israel, to be a woman with an empty womb was misery. It was a shameful experience. He’s saying, no matter what you are lacking, don’t give up on joy. Remember that Jesus is still worthy. He knows what he’s doing. God’s way is greater! We have more to offer than the things we desire for ourselves.
If having a spouse is all I’m purposed for then I would have one already. There is more to life. There is more to gain.
Truth is, when I lost my relationship, I felt like I had nothing.
My faith was frail. I couldn’t make sense of anything. I’ve never equated a person to my purpose. I would never say it out loud, but relationships have the potential to consume everything. And when they end, it can make you feel like you’ve failed yourself.
Lord, why did it have to end?
Still, no answer.
Sometimes, closure is knowing God has better…
Long-Suffering is Bible and So is Heartbreak
Christians love talking about gifts. The gift of music. Generosity. Faith. Prophecy. Tongues. Interpretation. Dreams and visions…
Did you know that long-suffering is also a gift? It’s how we build faith, diving deeper into an intimate, intentional relationship with our Father.
“The joy of salvation is tied to the bitterness of suffering.” — Tim Ross
My first suffering is relinquishing control.
This is about more than my desired love story.
Let’s talk about Ruth and Boaz. I don’t believe the book of Ruth to be a love story by human standards. In fact, it is very peculiar to me.
Often, we hear godly women say “I’m waiting for my Boaz”. I’m waiting for my husband to come to sweep me off my feet, as I mindlessly glean through this field that is my life.
It’s so…poetically romantic. Yet, a little out of touch with reality.
Doing Love God’s Way
Before Ruth met Boaz, she had a full life. She was the wife of Naomi’s son in a place foreign to her native land. In the midst of her making a home with her husband, tragedy struck, and both Ruth and Naomi were widowed. Talk about the ultimate heartbreak! Even though Naomi pleaded that she go back to her homeland, Ruth’s loyalty wouldn’t let her leave her mother-in-law’s side. That’s she found herself in Bethlehem, tending to Naomi amongst Naomi’s people. Now insert Boaz, Naomi’s relative.
Boaz was not called to love Ruth because she was Ruth. He was a guardian-redeemer; someone who delivers. They rescue by paying a price for those who cannot pay themselves. When he found Ruth gleaning in his field, he felt discerned to protect and provide for her. God was working behind the scenes. Because of what Ruth had been through, Jesus called Boaz into the picture to restore all that was lost. He was purposed for Ruth. He was a guardian-redeemer.
Is this story about love, or purpose?
I believe this story is a transaction of love for the progression of God’s glory.
It’s a mirror of how the Lord takes all we’ve suffered and counters it with unconditional love and mercy and grace. Had Ruth allowed the loss of her husband to destroy her, she would have never received what was preparing her for.
Related: Marriage is a Mystery
Lord, why did it have to end?
Maybe I’ll never get the answer I’m looking for. Sometimes, it’s better not to think too much. Life just happens. One thing I do know is God’s ways are higher than our ways. We will never understand the intricacies of what he is doing. But he is faithful. God is faithful.
I’m 27 years old. No husband, no kids. I’ve failed more than I’ve triumphed. Broken hearts and bared my soul for nothing in return. Still, no matter how tough the heartbreak, I never give up, although I’ve come pretty close to the fall.
But, God.
He is the ultimate love story.
